Transformation…

According to (and adjusted slightly for grammar by me) the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, Transformation is the act, process or instance of a) changing the composition or structure; b) changing the outward form or appearance of; c) changing in character or condition.

The blog is personal as I’m writing about my ongoing transformation.

I have now been retired for four and a half months. Moving from a work world of answering to another person, working up to ten hour days, being responsible for a group of people and the work produced by them and myself into a world of no one caring what I do has been quite interesting. I prepared for this transformation for almost five years. I considered the financial and personal implications of the change. I improved my house and yard to the extent I was able to ensure that it was prepared for the drop in money. I engaged with a therapist to ensure my mental health was ready. What I can tell you after the first four and a half months is I wasn’t completely ready. How could I be? I’ve been working for a paycheque for the majority of my life. I’ve had an alarm clock, schedule and planned vacations around work for all of that time. This is a huge change and no matter how much I prepared, it’s been a shock to the system. Everyone has said to me you have to give it six months. Not me, thought I. I’m prepared. Transformation will be easy for me.

In terms of composition or structure, yes I’ve transformed. It’s little things. Instead of biweekly paycheques I receive monthly pension compensation. So that’s required an adjustment to how I spend and save. It’s taken a little getting used to - in the past, I paid certain monthly bills based on paycheques. Now, I pay them based on due dates. The same goes for grocery shopping. I find myself adjusting a little more to the sales that I see instead of pay days. I’m also far more careful with my money because there is less of it and I don’t want to dip into my retirement savings for a few years. My structural transformation has been fairly easy. I notice money more but that’s not a big surprise.

Transformation of the outward form or appearance has been much tougher. Instead of jumping into a healthy way of living and being able to drop the stress eating, I’ve found myself struggling with stress. What I realized when I began thinking about this topic is that the stress didn’t just fall away. The stress wasn’t solely related to my job. Stress is still around me. My worries haven’t gone away because I’m not working - some have remained the same (spring is a time of flooding, regardless of whether I’m logging into Teams or not) and some have shifted. The majority of colleagues who retired before me immediately went on a vacation/trip. I did not. Perhaps I should have. Perhaps that would have shuttled me into decompression which would have helped me overall. I don’t know. I didn’t travel. I’m hopeful that at the end of my first year of corporate retirement that I will see the transformation that I want. It’s a case of mind over matter, I think.

Character transformation is underway and I believe it will continue for all of my life. For many years I defined myself by a job, a relationship, friends and family. Now, in retirement, I’m intent on my next adventure. For me that adventure is in fact, work. I work each morning on my first novel. It’s not going as quickly as I’d hoped but it is progressing well. Before summer arrives I believe I’ll be sending out queries to literary agents. I know the first one I will approach and perhaps I’m being naive but I’m hoping it’s a positive experience. Some writers I know talk in terms of rejections. Yes, writers face multitudes of rejections but I never felt comfortable with the idea of embracing the negative. Sure, I expect to encounter rejections but I’d rather count them as potentials, rather than rejections. It’s my way of embracing possibilities.

I had a fantastic visit with someone I’ve known since she was in her early teens. The last time I saw her was at her wedding almost three years ago. Her mom and I were best friends and I still miss the people from that time in my life. After we spent time together I thought about this girl that I’ve known for over twenty years. She’s still high energy, type A personality, slightly crazy, driven, smart, full of laughter and incredibly accomplished. She has done so much with her life that I looked at her filled with pride and joy. She and her siblings grew up with my son. A natural path was to consider my son with the same set of eyes. I’m incredibly proud of him. I put everything I had into raising him and hopefully instilling in him values and belief in himself. I think I did a pretty good job. We’ve not always had an easy relationship but then I think that is one of the reasons why I’m so proud. He’s a critical and independent thinker and I’m extremely proud of that and my role in it. He is driven and motivated to create.

Transformation can be constant. It should be in my opinion. Always learning, growing, finding your way in the world. Contributing to the world. Being the best that you can be and never sitting back and expecting it to fall into your lap.

I’m proud of where I am and how hard I am working. There are days when I doubt myself. I’m human, after all. But I believe that I will see my book published and that it will be the first of hopefully many. Every morning I do a writing exercise (not related to the novel) and I know that I have many more stories to tell. Hopefully someone will want to publish them so many can read them. Thanks for reading the blog. It was the spark that transformed me into an author.

The transformation of my hibiscus bloom (top left and counterclockwise). This took place over twenty-four hours! I bring my hibiscus plants in each winter and I’m delighted when they bloom indoors. Such beauty lifts a spirit worn by winter.

I shared with you that I am currently transforming my living room. These pictures are from when I first moved in five years ago.

These pictures are the beginning of making the living room mine! The top is the fireplace which I have covered in wallpaper. Bottom left is the wall and stairs that lead to the loft. My plan was one accent wall in the dark green (called “Secluded Woods”). However when I swiped my second wall colour on the wall under the stairs it completely changed in the light from the South facing windows. It looks mint and was not going to work. After discussing with a friend I decided to make two walls the deep green colour and I have fallen in love with the transformation. The bottom right picture is my solution to the outlet plates. On the dark walls, instead of replacing them for new white plates, I’m covering them with wallpaper. The outlets are hidden by furniture but I like knowing there’s a little something special there. More living room transformation to come.