Crash…

One week ago today two pilots lost their lives in a horrific accident at LaGuardia Airport. I woke up Monday morning to the news. I listened to the first recording released of air traffic control communications from the tower and it was like a gut punch. I spent seventeen years talking to aircraft as an air traffic controller. I have never been a pilot, although I did “fly” a couple of airplanes over the years. That means I got to steer with a proper pilot beside me - small planes and only in level flight. I’ve never been a vehicle operator on the airport ground, although as a controller I was required to do an airside ride each year.

Let me tell you what I know for sure about the accident at LaGuardia. Nothing. That’s right. Nothing. I wasn’t there. I don’t have the whole picture. In aviation we have something called “situational awareness”. It means knowing what’s happening in your area of responsibility. It’s about having the big picture while dealing with specific details. It means being able to scan and see potential conflicts, upcoming changes to your picture and continuing to update that information. So in the case of the crash a week ago, I do not have situational awareness of the events.

All incidents and accidents receive a thorough investigation. Any system data, interviews with everyone related to the event, weather, and equipment information, to name some of it, is taken into account. It can take months for Transportation Safety Reviews to be completed. Those investigators must piece together the minutes and seconds of the incident to determine what exactly happened. Then they need to figure out where the failures in the complex system happened. No incident is the outcome of a single failure. All the elements have to line up to create the environment where there is an accident or incident.

I absolutely cannot speak as an expert on the FAA system. I will not speak as an expert on the Canadian system. Why? Well, I went from being an operational controller to a manager to a retiree. I have no business making judgement calls on what happened last Sunday. I understand the system. I’ve been asked questions and I can answer intelligently about situational awareness, for instance, as I did above. But equipment and systems and environments and weather and people change. We are always striving for improvement. Therefore, I am not an expert on last Sunday’s tragedy.

So, why am I writing this? Because in this past week I have seen so many posts and comments about what happened. From people who do not know. People who have never operated within the aviation industry. People who were not there. People who have decided from their time sitting on a plane that they are experts. The people who were on that plane are not experts. They will share their story and that information will also be included in the review of the incident. But they were not in the cockpit. They were not in the truck. They were not in the tower. They have critical information that the investigators will use as they piece together the event, but they do not have situational awareness.

I am heartbroken for the pilots’ families, the passengers on the plane, the first responders in the fire truck, the controllers in the tower. They have all suffered from this tragedy. The first responders who had to proceed out to the crash site and help must have been overwhelmed knowing it could have been them in that truck. They still did their jobs. The controller who is heard on a recording saying that he “messed up”, had to keep communicating and operating until relieved from duty. The people in the passenger terminal who witnessed the accident knowing that they were going to have to get on a plane must have been terrified. None of them deserve armchair quarterbacks mouthing off with opinions and judgements. Let the experts do their jobs. I’ve turned away from some of the reporting on this accident as I got very tired of all the experts weighing in. Yes, some of them are experts. There may even be some who are asked to review data gathered and provide insight. For the thousands online who truly know nothing about the situation, just stop.

Okay, so I’ve said my piece about this tragedy. However, it did something else for me this week. It made me realize how often I judge others. We all do it. Seems to be part of the human condition.

Why would she wear her hair like that? Doesn’t she know it makes her look old?

Wow, that’s quite the outfit for church. Yikes.

Why hasn’t she left him yet? What’s wrong with her?

Why doesn’t he get a job?

Her house is never clean. What’s up with that?

It seems like she’s always tired. Sheesh.

I’ve also recognized how often I am judged. If I don’t do things the way someone else does and they raise their eyebrows at me. Or when I’m struggling to lose weight and someone feels like they can provide me the correct path forward. Well, they don’t walk in my shoes and they don’t understand how I got here. You don't like how I approach a problem? Or maybe you want to “classify” me with some sort of label. I don’t need it. I don’t want it.

I spend a lot of time in my head and it’s not always the healthiest place to live. I want to learn and improve and live with joy. I realized this week one of the ways to do that is to stop judging anyone else for their life and choices. What does it matter if someone wears bright red lipstick? Does it have any impact on me? NO! If someone chooses to ignore the world for a while as they heal themselves why should I care? In fact, I should support them, not bully. And that’s what a lot of this criticism leads to - bullying someone to be just like you. I’m not that person at heart. I don’t want to be that person. I want to be someone that people can reach out to for support and love and care.

My promise to myself is to look after me. Stop looking at others with a critical eye or as though we’re in competition. The only person I’m up against is myself and that’s hard enough most days.

In the Catholic faith this is the start of Holy Week. Whatever you may practice or believe I hope you have a week filled with sunshine, warming temperatures and find peace within yourselves.

I’ve chosen to share this picture as I’m almost halfway through my living room work. It is turning into a room for calm and every time I walk in, I smile. That’s how I know I’ve made the right choices for me. There’s still work to do but I’m really pleased thus far.