Final…

I recently saw a clip of an interview with Bono on a popular nighttime talk show. The clip is from a few years ago but is still very relevant for me, today. The question was asked of him, what do you think happens when you die and his answer was, you are born. For a myriad of reasons, I loved the answer.

This blog relates a lot to my final year of full-time employment in the company where I have spent more than 25 years. I have been surprised numerous times over the last few months when encountering someone from my beginning years. It’s felt like a closing of the loop, so to speak. I’ve had opportunities to see people that were there at my beginning but whom I haven’t seen in more than ten years. That’s a special blessing. I’ve met so many people over my years and having the chance to say hello and goodbye again has been a treat.

Now 25 years is great but most of the people I know have or will put in 30 or 30+ years. A lot of people stick around because of their love for the work or the people or perhaps they don’t have something else that gives them the same pleasure. The difference for me is that I’ve found a passion and I intend to follow it. That’s a story for another blog.

I thought my final year “on the job” would be busy and incredible and it has been, especially with all the added goodbyes along the way. I have the best team and I really enjoy them. They provide challenges as well as celebrations. They are engaging and hardworking and easy to like. I appreciate our time together and I really thought they’d be my focus for this final year. I wanted to concentrate on leaving them with a solid foundation. My intent was to provide a structure that allows a new manager to come in and learn without needing to lean over their shoulders all the time.

Instead it’s been a year filled with bumps and barriers. I’ve learned far more than I really wanted - LOL. There have been upsets and frustrations along the way that I honestly would have been fine without. On my personal side of life I’ve had at least as many disruptions. In other words, it’s been eight months of anxiety, tears and panic. I wanted to slide into retirement and I feel like I’m falling headfirst, unprepared.

What does this have to do with Bono’s answer? When I saw the clip online it spoke to me so strongly that I’ve been carrying it with me for the last few weeks. I knew it was telling me something and I just had to take the time to slow down, clear the chaos of my mind and listen. I believe, as he does, that death is only the end of our time on earth and that we are then born into “heaven” with God. The best way I have to describe my belief is to say my soul has been enclosed by this body throughout my life here and at the time of my earthly death it will fly free to be with God. But again, what does that have to do with my final year on my job?

Every new adventure, every new life change is a rebirth. We are given many opportunities throughout life to experience and explore new avenues of this world. When I graduated high school I got to go away, live in a new and different way while learning. I made tons of mistakes but eventually, found my way forward. When I became a single mom it was the same thing. Lots of mistakes and lots of love and laughter. A new life. And the same when I got my Masters. The same when I became operational. And so on and so on. They were all chances to grow and learn and expand my understanding of the world and people. It continued with the move to this village and the purchase of this very old house.

This very old house has been both a boon and a torment, especially this past year. Every time I want to cry, something special happens that reminds me it’s not all bad. Our lives are filled with the good and the not-so-good. The squirrels that once again took up residence in my front attic were a boon to the pest control company who constantly arrived to patch up another hole. I was blessed to have one of their guys explain that he could keep coming out but what I needed was new fascia. He explained it so I could understand and start looking for someone to do the work. Now I have a new contractor in my contacts who has been fantastic. The house looks so much better and the cost is more than worth it. So, yes, something very disturbing and upsetting is being fixed. And yes, it costs a chunk of money but now I know it won’t be a problem as I enter retirement.

My pool has also been a big barrier to happiness this summer season. Usually I’m in it from early in the morning until a late swim at night. If I take a lunch break, I’ll go in for a quick dip. Unfortunately this year there have been two issues - one fixed with the help of my amazing neighbour and one still to be fixed. It means I don’t have crystal clear water in which to swim - although it’s safe, apparently. We finally put the steps in and at least I will get some use out of it until the new part is installed.

Basically, it’s been a frustrating year. I can think of it as the end of something and I do in many ways. I can also look upon it as a gift - a chance to prove to myself that I can handle anything that comes my way. This is an important lesson as I go into a whole new way of life. I’m the type of person who needs to be reminded of my worth and my ability to face the trials and the celebrations of life. We are given so many opportunities to make life amazing. Sometimes the weight of the challenges is hard to overcome and we get pulled down. If we can take the time to step back and allow ourselves room, we can persevere, find the greatness and keep pushing forward.

There are two more months of summer and two more months beyond that of full-time employment for me. A new adventure awaits. I can choose to enter it exhausted and beaten or to embrace it with passion and excitement. Truthfully, I think it will be a bit of both. A new me. A new focus. New plans. The biggest difference I see is it will be my choice where and when. As terrifying as it is, I can’t wait.

Postscript: As I am publishing this blog, I’ve had another pool blow. Hopefully next year, in my first year of retirement this will all be a distant memory.