Untruths…

This is a short blog and contains my musings from the last couple of weeks. We tell our children things to help them on their way. Words of wisdom, so to speak. We tell ourselves all sorts of things - sometimes to rationalize thoughts or actions, sometimes to help us as we face decisions and choices. The four things that follow are in my opinion either misrepresented or not true in the grand scheme of the world. They aren’t falsehoods. We aren’t lying to our children or ourselves. I think sometimes it’s just that we want them to be true or perhaps they were true when I was a child and the world has changed.

Money doesn’t buy happiness.

This is one of my favourites. Years ago this was a popular refrain. In a lot of ways this is absolutely true. There are plenty of people in the world with more money than they can ever spend and it seems to cause tons of problems. There are families torn apart by money.

I look at people I know who work at demanding jobs, serving a community or a particular group  who do not make a living wage. I think of those I know in cities where the cost of living is outrageously high, who make a good wage and can’t see how they’ll ever do more than live paycheque to paycheque. I think of the single parents who work more than one job as they do their best to feed and clothe their children. What about those people who have been let go as their companies downsize? Or a union strikes and the workers are trying to make ends meet with minimal strike pay.

This is when I argue that while money might not buy happiness, being able to afford both groceries and rent will certainly make life easier. Making life easier, makes it a shorter gap to happiness.

I don’t believe that hard work shouldn’t be rewarded. I don’t believe that all jobs are created equal. I don’t believe that every wage should be the same. There are jobs that require a lot of schooling - schooling that takes a lot of time and money. There are jobs that require special skills and knowledge. There are jobs that are highly stressful and others in which lives are put on the line every day.

What I’m saying is that if people have enough to pay the bills, feed their families and themselves and keep a roof over their heads, they would have a better chance at happiness.

If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.

This one really annoys me. We tell kids they can be anything, so just pick something you love. First of all, no. They can’t do or be anything they want. Sometimes talent is required. Sometimes education plays a huge factor - look at the astronauts we have. They have multiple degrees, often in many disciplines and are brilliant beyond most people. I think what we need to make clear is pick something you love and work your butt off for it and you’ll be in a good place. Not every day will be fantastic, though. There are always going to be good and bad in any job. There will be days when you’re just too tired to see that you’re doing the job you love. There might be days when the job you love is kind of tedious. Let’s be a little more realistic. Not completely - we want them to dream and work and figure out how to get what they want. But let’s realize a hockey loving kid probably won’t make it to the NHL. Teach them that they should give their all to it and find other things that they love as well. If it works out for them, that is awesome. If it does not, they may continue to play for decades while enjoying success elsewhere. And it’s great.

A change is as good as a rest.

I’ve said this many times during my life. I’ve heard it many times as well. The older I get the more I realize this isn’t true. A change can provide a fresh perspective. A change can give you a break from something else. You might feel recharged after trying something new. No doubt about it. But a rest is essential. Our bodies are not made for non-stop. Our brains need sleep, they need to rejuvenate. Sometimes we need to take a weekend and just slow down. We need to read or go out or sleep in. I know so many people who are fighting viruses that knock them out for weeks on end. I hear complaints about headaches or fatigue that won’t go away. Well, maybe we aren’t letting our bodies take time off. I’m bad for it. If I haven’t fulfilled long to do lists over the weekend, I feel like I’ve wasted my time away from work. It’s nonsense. Sometimes we need to slow down in order to face the work week. Start taking the time for yourself. The housework will still be there.

Forgive and forget.

I saved this one for last because it doesn’t really include an explanation. It’s a statement. We should just… I wish I was good at this one. I’ve read that my astrological sign holds onto things. I do. I wish forgiving was easier for me. Once I’ve been really hurt, it’s very hard for me to let go of the hurt. Or maybe it’s not letting go. Maybe it’s the forgetting. I’m impressed by people who forgive. A friend from university was struck and killed by a drunk driver. At the trial, her parents forgave the man. They asked that he be allowed to go for treatment and volunteer at my friend’s favourite summer camp as a way to atone. That’s decades ago and I’ve never forgotten. The strength it must have taken to forgive the man who took their only daughter from this life. Strength and faith, I think.

I’m not that good. I want to be better but I often come back to the idea that if I forgive and forget, am I not allowing myself to be a doormat? Am I not setting myself up for the same treatment over and over? I think this is a work in progress, for me. Maybe I’m getting better at forgiveness but forgetting? That’s a really tough one and I’m definitely not there yet.

A new plant and planter for inside!

Planning out a new project…

Enjoying new and old blooms!

And more blooms!