Superheroes

I wrote this blog this past weekend. It’s taken me a while to get it published.

I’ve been making notes and planning this blog since mid-week. I knew how I wanted to write it, what I wanted it to say, and whom I wanted to point out as superheroes in my life. At 540 on Saturday morning I got a phone call that changed my plan.

My uncle with whom I was very close has passed away. He’s been sick for quite a while but he’s always pulled through. On Thursday he phoned me and told me not to go up on Friday for a visit. I decided I would do as he wished but that I would go up sometime over the weekend. And now I’m going up for a different reason.

All day Saturday I dealt with the organized side of my brain that was making mental and written notes about what I need to remember (cancel the newspaper, talk to the landlord, meet with the funeral home, etc.) and with the grieving part of me that was in shock and just needed to zone out.

What has been interesting are the interactions I’ve had with people throughout these initial hours. And I realized that there are other superheroes around me. So, I’m going ahead with the biog. I expect it will be much shorter than my usual blogs. Today’s blog is completely about the people I encountered over the course of Saturday and dealing with my uncle’s death.

First off, there are many superheroes around us and sometimes we don’t recognize their capes. My uncle had a neighbour who was across the walkway and the floor above. When my uncle got very ill and had to be taken to hospital, she was the one who made sure things were looked after. After that, it became a regular thing for her to check the window (she can see into the living room of his apartment) each night and each morning. She’s not a busybody. She’s a caring, compassionate friend. Her regular appearance is a mom and grandma and great grandma. She golfs and spends time with friends. Her “superpersona” is the loving neighbour who made sure I was told immediately when she found him. After 911, I was the first call. She kept me apprised of what was happening (I was completely snowed in and unable to get there) and communicated with the first responders. She was the person in place who I could lean on.

When a person dies at home the ambulance attends the scene with the police. An investigation has to take place to determine if there was an accident, foul play or if the person died by natural causes. The police constable who called me was on duty and responded, as per her job. So, I guess her regular appearance, at least on the job, is a police constable who is a first responder, shows up where she’s sent and follows the protocols as they are laid out. This constable was incredible. She gave me her name, her cell number and talked me through everything. She made sure I didn’t feel that I had to rush out, in fact she supported me staying home and allowing the roads to be cleared first. She was not falsely kind. She had such compassion in her voice that you would have thought she knew me and that she knew my uncle. And then she looked everywhere for his house key (NEVER did he lock up), talked to the landlord to ensure the apartment would get locked and texted me so that I was aware of everything. She went above and beyond what was expected and instead of feeling like I was talking with a police officer who was “on the job”, I felt like I was communicating with a friend. She even offered me victims’ services, should I need it.

My mom and dad were married for over 25 years so my dad’s family is well known to my mom. However, they divorced and she remarried and had a life with my stepdad for almost 20 years. In other words, she was well separated from my dad’s family. And yet, she and my uncle had lots of great visits and thoroughly enjoyed talking books and movies and sports. They both loved sports. My mom was a teacher and principal and is an amazing mom, grandma and great grandma. She plays bridge three times a week, is a regular church goer and gives of herself whenever she is needed. Her superpersona? She is my rock when I lose a loved one.

This is the third time I will be executor and this is the third time she has been ready and willing to step in whenever I need. All three times have been in my dad’s family. She never hesitates. She is there for me and for the person who has left us. And it’s a loss for her as well. I know that anything and anytime I can call her, as I did on Saturday before 6 am. It’s like her super power is holding me up. I cannot express enough how much I count on that support.

Those are only three of the many superheroes I have in my life. I wanted to spend time on the three who have helped me get through a very rough day. I think it’s important to remember that even in our worse days we are surrounded by blessings.

Now, let me tell you just a little bit about my uncle. He was smart with a very quick mind. He loved following politics, world events, and sports. He encouraged my burgeoning love of golf. He was a lifelong golfer and curler. I got the opportunity to curl with him for a couple of seasons and he had such love of the sport and the people at the club. He even stopped down there a couple of weeks ago. Before he had to give up his own activities due to health, he golfed five days a week, six on the weeks where he took me out. Imagine! He was over 80 years old and golfing all week long! And his goal? To golf his age. He said more than once that it was great to turn 80 because he liked aiming for an 80 stroke game instead of trying for the 70’s! In the winter he was curling three and four times a week. The man was amazing.

And politics and world events! We could talk for hours about everything. He loved to read, as do I. On Fridays and for the last few weeks, on Saturdays too, he would go to our hometown Legion. He had regular companions with whom he would meet sharing stories and laughter. And the women! They loved him and he adored them. He loved getting hugs each week. He was truly a wonderful man who appreciated people. He was given his 50 year membership pin last year! 50 years! It would have been significantly longer if he hadn’t lived away for so many years. And that life away was filled with exotic locales and people. He was a world traveller who lived in Africa, and the Caribbean, travelled throughout Europe, including Ireland, and to the sunny South. He lived life fully.

For the last seven years I have been blessed to know him better than I have since I was a kid. I treasured every minute and will miss him terribly. I know his pain is gone now and for that I’m grateful. Rest in peace, Uncle Mike.

On a morning filled with tears, I looked outside to see this fresh blanket of snow. There’s something special to how clean it makes everything. For me this is one of God’s “super powers” - giving us such beauty in our world, even in the midst of great sadness.