Annoyances…

I could have used a different title. Calamities, crises, disasters, or catastrophes. Any of them would do. I deliberately chose a word that lessens the blow. Why? Because I can easily make things bigger than they are, even when they are big. I think if I try to diminish them by using a word like annoyance maybe I have a chance to take control of my reaction. The question I’m asking this week is, what do you do when things go badly? When things get really hard? When it doesn’t seem like anything is easy?

The last day of 2023 started badly in my house. I awoke with a dreadful migraine, the kind that makes me wish I could pull the covers over my head and forget life. The unfortunate reality of that wish is that I know it only gets worse if I do that. The pain will increase, I’ll feel even worse and it doesn’t help anything. Life still has to be lived. Along with the pain in my head I awoke with the reminder that the night before my newly fixed furnace decided to stop working. [Let me note here it had been on and off since Christmas Day.] I could have cried. It’s probably the primary reason I awoke with the migraine in the first place. Anyway, since it happened on a Saturday night I waited until the next morning (NY Eve) and texted my furnace guy and told him the fix didn’t work. I also told him to wait until after the holiday. I have a gas fireplace at one end of the house and a gas stove at the other. I figured I could survive until Tuesday. And, working in my favour are the very mild temperatures we’ve been having for the month of December.

On Tuesday the poor guy was on my job for most of the day. He finally got it all working and headed out. Good thing he’s around the corner from me because it stopped working again before he got to his place. I had to text and let him know. Now, as I said I have some heat sources so you would think I should be okay for a bit. Unfortunately, we have cold temperatures on their way. I mean cold enough to freeze pipes and the two places in the house that aren’t really warmed by the stove and fireplace are the kitchen and the main floor bathroom. Where the pipes are. Yup. Exactly not what I want.

So, what do you do? Well, I can only talk about what I do. I’m desperate to start a new year off on a positive note. I do not want to dwell on the negative, the struggles. Yes, I want a warm, cosy house in winter and recognize that the lack of a working furnace is a terrible negative. So, I’m counting my blessings. The furnace is under warranty. Thank goodness! I have blankets and warm clothes and hot water for bubble baths. Phew! I have a “guy” who is conscientious in his work and is not going to let me do without a fixed furnace. All good but it’s my reactions I’m thinking about this week. There are a few possibilities that come to me when this stuff happens.

Anger - Anger with the situation. Anger with having to go through the hassle. Anger that I have very cold feet at the end of my work day because I worked in the dining room since he was here. Anger that there seems to be little that is smooth running in this house.

Blame - Sometimes it helps to be able to lay blame at someone else’s feet. In the case of this past week, I can honestly say there is no one to blame, as much as it might make me feel better. I had the furnace maintenance done a month ago. The furnace is less than five years old. My guy explained what the underlying issue is and said I’m not the only one who has encountered it. The one annoyance, more for him than me, is the way the furnace is installed - poor guy had to do some manoeuvring to be able to work on it. Could have been done better but again, not the end of the world. There are plenty of situations in which we can point the finger of blame. If someone harms us or destroys or breaks something, there is a clear responsibility that can be attached. There are other situations where that’s less available. Life changes as the years and decades go by and the ways of the past don’t always carry forward. I guess those can be situations where you might want to cast blame. My question is what does it do for you? Does it truly make you feel better or is it a coping mechanism?

Quitting - I know that I sometimes find it hard to continue. There are times when the best choice seems to be throwing my hands up in the air and just giving up. I think there may even be times when this is a good choice. There might be situations where your wishes just don’t seem to work out and maybe that’s the universe (God?) telling you it’s not meant to be. But in most circumstances I think it’s a temporary feeling and one that you can work through. Myself, I allow a bit of time to wallow and feel bad and then I try to find a new step forward. In this case of this past week, all I could do was count on the professional.

Feeling Overwhelmed - This one is easy to see and experience. I think most of us encountered this many times over the last four years. COVID impacted us severely and caused many to be burdened by “too much”. There was isolation, increased costs of everything, more work (for us), less work for some, the feeling of helplessness. All of that can be overwhelming and we were in a situation that most of us had never encountered before. Now, it might seem like we can get through anything because we survived the last four years. I’m finding, especially through conversation with friends and acquaintances, that our ability to cope is depleted. I know I am having a tougher time dealing with things that might have caused little impact in the past. I think this feeling has become a norm within society and it’s definitely something with which I’m dealing. This past week was a reminder that my battery isn’t fully charged.

Depression - I have been back and forth about using the word depression. Part of me wanted to write “Sadness” but a bigger part felt that “Depression” was more accurate. In December/January we are dealing with winter. We don’t have a lot of light and often what little we have is covered by clouds. While our temperatures have been quite warm compared to what we’re used to, it means our environment is very drab. The grass has remained green/brown, the trees are bare and grey, we’ve been getting more rain than normal for this time of year so there’s an overall dullness to the landscape. Add to that anything hard that you are going through and it’s going to impact your mental and emotional wellbeing. Personally, I can find the time immediately after Christmas difficult. Christmas is huge and then suddenly it’s done. You’re back to work, family goes home and the excitement seems to slide away. If something happens that adds stress, the impact can be depression.

Acceptance - This is a big one. After going through whatever emotions have been attacking you, maybe you move into acceptance. I know I did. I tried to remember that I was blessed to have a furnace under warranty and a good repair guy. I was doing everything that I could do to make sure I got through this with a smile instead of a frown. Now, that might sound simplistic but honestly? My repair guy thanked me many times for being an easy to work for customer. Why? Because as frustrated as I was, I didn’t take it out on him. I made sure I kept him apprised of the situation and thanked him for the extra time he took. Sometimes it’s easier to find peace if you accept that not everything is going to be perfect. I can only do my best and I did.

Laughter - Sometimes I find it easy to laugh and sometimes not so much. Perhaps sometimes the laughter has a little hint of crazy to it, too! I’ve often read that the act of smiling helps the body get beyond the sad and anger. I know that smiling outward helps others. I know I feel positive when someone smiles at me. I know I feel even better when I smile. From smiling comes laughter. Honestly. After acceptance it becomes easy for me to laugh. I have a pretty good sense of humour and find it helps when I laugh at my own circumstances. In my world the laughter usually comes after the initial shock or anger or depression.

I started this blog by saying I deliberately chose the word, annoyances because I was trying to minimize some of the negative impact of something bad. I’ve decided that the process I went through this week, encompassing the after effects of Christmas, the yucky non-winter weather, the return to work, the nonworking furnace and the taking down of Christmas decorations could be seen as challenges. A challenge can be embraced. It’s a way to grow and improve. A challenge is something that can be surmounted. A challenge is an opportunity. It takes me awhile to get there sometimes, but I try.

Six of the areas in my house that look incredibly bare after removing Christmas decorations. It gives me a chance to do some cleaning but it also looks kind of sad.

The most adorable ottoman - a Boxing Day special! I think it will be a great addition to the living room.

While not sharing my winter decor today, I thought I would show you this year’s winter vase edition!