Place…

I’ve just returned home from a week of holidays and as I wandered around the house checking on my plants I came across my African violet. I’ve shared its picture in past blogs because it’s been full of blooms. After a week away I was concerned that it would be wilting and desperately in need of water. It is gorgeous! Even more blooms exploding from the pot with buds still to open.  I started out a couple of years ago with a pretty violet in my upstairs bathroom. It was a gift from my niece and I loved it but killed it. I picked up this plant to replace the dead one. It seemed I was close to killing it so I tried moving it to my sitting room. No luck. Close to giving up, I moved it to a window in my living room. Success! That’s where this blog came from - the plant that found its perfect place.

Television and books and movies all imply perfect scenarios are possible in life. But the truth is life is messy and even though there can be perfect moments it can also be lopsided and ugly on occasion. I’ve been out of sorts this summer. It seems like very little has been smooth or comforting. I’ve realized that even when things aren’t great there is a way to find some peace. Generally, I find it by retreating into some solo time at home. I began to wonder if like my violet I still need to find my place or is it here.

I think place can be different things - a geographical location such as a country, city or town. It can be a type of location such as your home - a condo, house, apartment; maybe it’s a mobile home allowing you the freedom of life on the road. It can be a relationship - loving and being loved. Maybe it’s your work - finding an outlet for your skills and knowledge. Or maybe it’s what you do outside of work - volunteering, crafting, creating and travelling. Sometimes it might be the role you play - parent, wife, husband, friend or colleague.

It might be that one part of you has found its place, such as a job, and another part has not - you’re still looking for your home. Relationships always need work and sometimes may not feel like your place all the time . Those days of the messy, hard work may make you question whether this is the “real” thing or not. Some days I feel that way over my relationship with my home! Finding your place in one area and not in another is also a natural part of life. What if you never truly find your place? Or what if you find it in one area of your life but not in another? What if all the places never line up to give you peace or success at the same time?

That last question is easy for me. If your different places are offering you peace at any point, then I think you’re blessed. Even if it doesn’t all come together at the same time, it means you’re finding comfort from them when other areas of life get messy.

My holidays this year included a trip with my mom and niece to visit my son out west. It was really interesting to watch a young girl, who is on the cusp of being a teenager step way outside of her normal world. It was her first time on a plane and a significant distance from home. She went from a small environment to a big, busy city. Our trip had moments of tourism - going to an aquarium, for instance and moments of home - walking my son’s dog. She got to see another part of the country and experience different people and different fashions. What stood out for me was her lack of discomfort. From the moment we arrived at the airport she looked like she belonged. There was very little wide-eye reaction, although you could tell she enjoyed looking around. She sat on the plane like she’d been doing it for years.

She had a great time at the aquarium and when we went to a professional sporting event she was hooting and hollaring with all the other fans. Walking into a restaurant for tea and dessert on a Saturday night in downtown Vancouver, she strutted like she owned the place. It was very cool to see. I have pictures of her as she’s walking around downtown Vancouver and she is so at home. I’m sure a lot of that comfort comes from being with family members but the self-assuredness that I saw was something else. It was like she was coming into her own and finding her place.

I can see her in later years travelling all over. I’ve promised her trips with me in the future and I’m already looking forward to where we’ll go first. Watching her gave me a sense of deja-vu. My son had that same look and feel when we were on Hollywood Boulevard more than ten years ago. He looked like he had found his place. In both cases, it wasn’t necessarily the geography. I think it was the comfort they each had in the different. A big city with a lot of eyes on fashion and standing out and they both fit in. It’s like a stage and they both know they want to be on it.

As for me, well I’m still figuring out my place or places. I know that my job is no longer my place - I can feel the closing of that loop and I’m okay with it. I’ve joined a writers’ group and that’s becoming home. And my physical home? Even with all the challenges this year it still feels like mine. The village is a different story. I think retirement and the flexibility of time that it brings will help me determine if this is my place.

Relationships with my family and friends are still places of peace. My neighbours are such wonderful friends that throughout the house challenges their proximity has kept me here. I might not have a love match but now I’m open to possibilities. I haven’t allowed myself the time to consider it but maybe someone will show up along my path.

The last place I want to mention is internal. Do you feel right with yourself? I think when you do not, as I’ve experienced, it’s tough for any other place to feel proper. I’m not completely over that hurdle but it’s becoming less of an issue. I’m hopeful as we prepare to go into a new month, that I will feel stronger in my place.

The blooms that started me down this path of contemplation.

A full house on the west coast.

A favourite pup.

An injured seal who found her happy place at the aquarium.