Compassion…
At Christmastime we often think of those who physically have less. There are Salvation Army helpers collecting with their red kettles in malls and grocery stores. The food banks are receiving more donations than at any other time of year. There are angel trees with children’s names to ensure that everyone has a gift to open on Christmas morning. I think overall we are pretty good at giving at this particular time of year.
The thought that came to me this past week was a different “less”. Do we have compassion for those in our families and communities who are busy trying to meet everyone else’s needs? And yes, I have compassion and gratitude for those who work through this busy season. The first responders, those who keep our skies safe for travellers, the retail staff who put up with craziness and associated bad behaviours, and the servers in all of the industries who are working hard to afford their own lives. I worked every Christmas when I was an operational air traffic controller. BUT I was paid for that and it was my chosen profession. So, while I don’t dismiss what all of those people do, I do recognize that it’s part of the job and doesn’t fall into what I’m speaking of here.
I’m thinking in smaller scale. I’m thinking of the spouse looking after an ailing partner. I’m thinking of the parent whose children are grown, rarely have time to spend visiting home and yet will be expecting a full celebration with all the trimmings. I’m thinking of the people who daily battle physical illness but who will still be pulling out all the stops to give their family a “perfect” Christmas. I’m thinking of those who put in full work hours, volunteer with community organizations to ensure that everyone has a meal, and are up late at night as they try to get their family’s gifts purchased and wrapped. I’m thinking of those people who feel responsible to give everyone else a great day.
In some way, we all do those things. But, I’m talking about looking at someone and realizing that I can’t possibly know all that they go through. I’m talking about being kind for no other reason than it’s the right way to behave. I’m talking about having a little understanding for your neighbour because you don’t know what is in their world. I’m talking about the baby who looks adorable in their Christmas outfit but whose parents are barely keeping their eyes open after she cried all night. I’m talking about the person who wants to spend time with family but gets overwhelmed by too many people. I’m talking about crazy Uncle Albert who maybe is a little crazy because he wants to be included and is trying to get some attention.
AND I’m talking about self-compassion. I looked around my kitchen on Saturday and sighed. I love my kitchen but it’s a disaster. I have crap on the countertops that I should have put away weeks ago. I have my cleaning bucket sitting on the floor with a bag of bird seed stuck in it. I have dishes in the dishwasher that will only take a couple of minutes to put away but that I ignored for hours because I just couldn’t do it. In other words, I’m normal. My house, as I’ve said before, is not a showcase. It’s a lived-in, functional house. I would love if it was tidier, but I acknowledge that it can’t always be perfect.
Last week ended with an 11 hour workday on Thursday and a busy Friday. I finished work, logged off and headed to my hometown to spend time with my uncle. Would my uncle have understood if I called and said I couldn’t make it? Of course he would. He knows what it’s like when you’re working and trying to get ready for Christmas. BUT I want to spend that time with him. We both expect it will be his last Christmas. I don’t want to regret not having made the time to be in his presence and enjoy what he brings to my life. I know that is far more important than cleaning my kitchen counters. I know it, but it doesn’t make my reaction to the mess any easier.
On Saturday afternoon I headed to my mom’s home. It meant packing up lots of gifts for the family celebration she hosted on Sunday. It meant making sure I didn’t leave anyone’s gift behind. It meant having an overnight bag ready. It meant ensuring the house was set up for an overnight departure. It meant making sure I hadn’t left any lights on or the fridge door open. I don’t know why, but somehow at this time of year it seems so much harder. I go to my mom’s every so often. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve spent the night with her. And yet, because it’s Christmas, I had self-imposed extra work. My to-do list for the hours before I left was quite long. It included Christmas lights that should have been up two or three weeks ago. It included a new fudge recipe that I wanted to give to my mom for a treat. It included putting together another Christmas tin of goodies for friends. It included cleaning bathrooms and doing a load of laundry. Would the world have fallen apart if I didn’t do any of those things? Not likely. There is just something in the air at this time of year that pushes me to accomplish above and beyond my normal chores.
We all need a little compassion in our lives and far too often we don’t give it to ourselves. I was thinking about the people who do not have any extra money for gifts but are so desperate to give to their families that they go further into debt. I know, without any doubt at all, that no one would fault them if store bought parcels were not under the tree. I know, without any doubt at all, that a thoughtful gift of time or something homemade is always appreciated. My mom tells us every year that there is nothing she wants or needs. [Although, to be honest, she mentioned something about a new table and chairs set on the weekend! LOL] What my mom loves at this time of year is having her family come and spend time. She wants to see her grandkids and great grandchildren having fun. She wants to see them spending time with each other. More than anything that any of us could give her, she wants that. While she was the host of the family celebration yesterday, I believe she will say she received the best gift of all, time with her family.
So have a little compassion for your wallet. Don’t try to prove something with big gifts. How often do we joke that the kids like the boxes better than the contents? Use your imagination and you’ll love the outcome. There were years when my son got far more from grandparents than I was able to give. There are years when I have some extra money and I give a little more. I think doing what is right for you, is the best thing you can do. It’s not the money that you spend. I honestly believe it’s the thought and care you put into the season that is the greatest gift.
Too much giggling and wriggling to get a good shot - way better than a “manufactured” picture, in my opinion!
The Christmas treat tin I just had to drop off before leaving for my mom’s. It didn’t cost much and it’s filled with yummy treats! Some of that goodness came from my mom who was kind enough to help me out this year. I just couldn’t get everything done.
I am so happy I found the time to get the lights up! Now, if we could only get some pretty snow to make them sparkle!